Tess

Happiness

2004-01-15T06:30:58Z

I think tonight i finally figured out that i am happy with myself. This week has been full of self evaluation. The week has had it's moments and extremely interesting conversations. I was on a verge of an emotional breakdown with my mother but as of the moment i am satisfied. Good things will come in the end and i have everything in life to look forward too. Yay to a new day. I'm very awake and can't go to bed yet even though i've been up since five in the morning. In other news i love my new house i'm staying in mobile. It's cool being to hangout with everyone here whenever i damn well please. My classes are okay (boring this semester though). My roomate, Karen, is really cool and her boyfriend Phillip is an awesome dude too. I think i shall get along charmingly with everything. Woohoo i don't have class till 12:30 tomorrow. That means Tess can sleep in for a change! My new mission is MISSION EMPLOYMENT. I need a freaking job over here super badly. Hopefully i'll get one somewhere fun. I want to work in a bookstore. Whatever, i take what i can find. I bid you all adieu now.

Happy New Years!

2004-01-02T23:59:35Z

It's 2004 and who gives a fuck? i'm just chillin' at alex's house finally updating this thing. New years resolution: Tess can't really drink anymore. Yeah i passed out new years but regardless i did have fun. I think i might have said something mean to someone in my crazy state. If this is so i'm sorry i didn't mean it. I'm moving my shit to Mobile tomorrow. Starting a new semester, a new year, hopefully it will be better. Everything is different but good. I know i'll not get better at this updating thing cuz one of my gifts was this totally awesome journal. ive actually been writing in it pretty often. so this will be my last post for a while. later everyone.

Growing Up Hurts

2003-12-07T10:44:44Z

Tonight has been very eventful for myself. I've grown as a person and I'm very proud of myself. I don't really feel like going into the details of what brought all this on because it pains me and has made me a bit emotionally distraught. But i'm okay right now in this moment. I'm sad, glad, anxious, angry, forgiving, all at the same time. Anyways i'm chilling up in hattiesburg with Annabelle having a lovely time. Yes, it is almost five o'clock in the morning and i'm still up. I'm insane. It is time for me to hit the hay and look for a brighter day. I really didn't mean to rhyme on purpose. Goodnight all

WOW, TESS IS POSTING!

2003-12-05T07:12:53Z

I'm giving this thing a whirl once again. Yes, I'm bored, discontent if you will. Finals are here, and that's one more thing to stress about. blah blah. At least i'm moving to mobile over the break. Place is nice so i'm sort of excited. Hopefully things will be better living over there, but somehow i don't have the best feelings about it. eeegad anywho. What's the deal about Wafflehouse?! It's like some fad. Oooh let's go get wafflehouse. Yuck, i hate there greasy ass nasty food. The only thing i enjoy there is a cup of joe. I guess it must be their charming service and lovely atmosphere. hahah. It is late and i'm still up. this is very strange for me. Even worse i have to get up at five in the morning and my teeth hurt cuz of my sinuses. that's the creepiest thing too. i could write a million things at this very moment. i'm in a mood where every second a new worry or incite rushes thru my mind yet i don't have the energy to share them with anyone for fear of noone caring. I shall try and write in this thing more often. It's nice to be able to ramble even if no one is listening.
In closing i leave you with words from a wise friend: change comes from within. haha, but true.

GOODNIGHT ALL

somewhere over the rainbow

2003-07-15T06:42:28Z

Sunset was so amazingly gorgeous tonight. The sky gave everything the most surreal look about it. Yet, the amazing full arch, bright big ass rainbow totally took my breath away. I had never ever seen a rainbow like that. It had to be one of the coolest things i ever saw. I wanted to go find the pot of gold at the end but then leprechauns would be attacking me in my sleep. It was almost a double rainbow too. I could see the faint rainbow beside it. Everything was orange and pink with rainbow against the blue part of the sky. Everything looked like a painting, it really didn't seem real. I'm so glad i was out and about this evening. In other news, i saw Pirates of the Carribean. It was pretty cool, Jack Sparrow made the movie. I really digged the braids in the beard, too cool. I enjoyed all the sword fighting. Today=fun and so does scrabble. I want to play right now.

iris0384 @ 2003-07-08T00:56:00

2003-07-08T06:58:20Z

Someone asked me tonight if i thought they bragged and sometimes sounded conceited. I thought it was an interesting but difficult question. You don't want to tell somebody you think they can be boastful because that's a very negative thing. But we all are that way sometime just some more than others. What it really did was spawn an introspective mood which made me analyze my own motives. I wonder what i say looks to other people. I really wondered what the person who asked the question in the first place thought about me. This probably makes no sense but for my own good i need to keep rambling on. i look at different types of people and wonder which is the better way to be. I think i more towards the modest side. I don't really like to compliment myself and it's usually hard for me to accept compliments. When i do receive them they make me feel really happy and i appreciate them lots. Then i see other people who are pretty open and can be like yeah i'm awesome or i look hot and that sort of thing. Sometimes people like that get on my nerves, though other times i wish i had their confidence. Yet, mostly i see them as cocky. I wonder how they see me. Modesty is good and bad i suppose. Usually i'm like i don't care what people think but i do care alot about people's feelings and if i they know that i care about them. now i know that didn't make sense. anyways this person's question gave me food for thought and a great conversation with pam tonight. Anyways earlier today was pretty hard. I had to say goodbye to alex. For he is moving to Atlanta tomorrow so i took him out to lunch today. It was quite fun. I shall miss you my good friend. What i love about you is your honesty. If i asked you what you thought about me you would tell me what you truly see in me and there wouldn't be lies. You always made me feel like one of the greatest human beings, thank you so much. you will never know how much i thank you. get in touch with me soon.

iris0384 @ 2003-07-06T01:35:00

2003-07-06T06:35:28Z

I say i don't like video games mostly cuz i never play them; thus, i suck at them. Yet being around Hagen they are unavoidable. He made me play Resident Evil today. I actually liked it, although i didn't really admit to that. Shooting ugly zombies proved to be quite enjoyable. Work didn't suck tonight because i only worked four hours. woohoo! Tonight was fun... strawberry kiwi snowcones and thirteen. I got to be president once this evening. i think i'm tired now, maybe i shall retire. Till we meet again goodnight all.

iris0384 @ 2003-07-05T02:31:00

2003-07-05T07:37:53Z

Been awhile since last post. I gotta job at beau rivage ticket office. i work alot now and i'm sick. Tonight was truley uneventful, i didn't even watch fireworks. yes, it was lame but i had to battle traffic in biloxi to get home. It took me and hour to get to Ocean Springs. Damn crazy out there tonight. At least i had jerry, the fluffum, to keep me company. He's like my new pet of sorts. don't ask! Recently saw 28 days later; loved it. i must go find jerry now.

a tow truck towing a tow truck!

2003-06-21T21:10:15Z

That was the strangest thing i saw yesterday on the way to jackson. oh wait, there was that giant flea shaped sign advertising a flea market a few miles away. Before i started my long rainey journey to madison, i went to see The Hulk. He didn't talk and he wasn't scary. It was a funny movie experience though with hagen telling the people behind us to shut up. haha. Overall yesterday was fun. Good to see my cousins and other assorted family members. I get to see rainey tonight, woohoo! The downside is i really don't want to go to this party i'm suppose to, i'd rather just bum and hangout here because i know it will be lame. Oh well, i shall endure it. At least i went swimming today. Happy first day of summer everybody. i must go take a shower now. goodbye.

SONIC YOUTH!

2003-06-20T02:12:13Z

Last night was quite interesting to say the least. Early that day though i went to mobile with pam, that was fun. I found some fun purchases at the thrift store and then we checked out the super target. We figured that the coast lacks three awesome things: target, best buy, and drive thru chick-fil-a. Back to last night, i went on a mission with jennifer and gemmil that brought us to the everso charming la la land. It was great. Eventually winding up on the beach with creamsoda and then going over to David's apt in biloxi and spending the night there. It was cool he loves SONIC YOUTH. He rocks, we listened to music and watched Daria episodes all night. But for some reason i was in a really sad, bitchy mood when i went over there. My apologies to Hagen, i was being all strange. David is gonna take me to a show soon too, i'm excited. Anyways my mom is pissed off at me so i'm homebound this evening and there's nobody to talk to. I think i shall go stare at the wall.

Bella Luna

2003-06-16T05:57:52Z

Indeed tonight was a beautiful moon. The night was so gorgeous as the moonlight fell upon the water and made the sky so bright. It was nice a cool too. i actually got chilly on the pier. Amazingly clear tonight also; i could see the stars again and make out some constellations. It looked too perfect to the point it seemed unreal. Just breath taking. goodnight all!

Father's day weekend

2003-06-15T23:09:10Z

Friday 13th:drunk in shane's car while looking for graveyards(not creepy at all). Fun night anyway except for some trick phone call i fell for.
Saturday was cool, got taken out to lunch by Hagen. How sweet indeed and yummy. We went to McAllisters. Then me and katie went dad's day shopping. I got him these cool chinese coasters and a van gogh mouse pad for his new computer. He liked it. Last night was strange though. The sky equaled awesome but scary car fully of scummy guys at wallmart which blocked me in my parking spot equaled not awesome.
This morning mama made good breakfast(pancakes and bacon)! Dad had good time and i burnt four cds. Got some nofx, glassjaw, alkaline trio, and something else. oh well can't remember. Good thing is i finally cleaned my hell hole i call my room. YAY!

"I look cute today"

2003-06-13T23:57:48Z

HAHAH. Today i'm all preppy Tess. I feel really funny. Trying to look nice as i go job hunting. Later i went to the mall with Shane and Annabelle today. That was fun. I got a free lunch at chick-fil-a. woohoo! Thanks Annabelle; you rock my socks. It was funny cuz i was being made fun of for selling out to the a&f. grrrr. i actually bought something but only because it was five bucks (it was from the damaged part). We went to pacsun and i was talking to David and complaining i feel out of character and he said shut up girl just say " i look cute today." hehe, he's fun to talk to. Didn't make any purchases cuz i have no DAMN MONEY! need a job, need a job. okay i'll shut up now.

iris0384 @ 2003-06-12T12:16:00

2003-06-12T17:20:10Z

This haircut thing is cool. I've got lots of compliments and i'm finally sort of used to it now. Should have done this long ago. No regrets about it. Past couple days have been really weird for me. I think I've turned it a psycho or something. Everything has been worrying and i keep making up all kinds of weird things in my head. what the hell is wrong with me? Yet last night things got better and i don't feel so down and out. I think i've been listening to too much damn emo music lately. It's made me all depressed and like hey just go kill yourself kinda mood. So i'm getting out of that. I'll just listen to angry music instead hehehehe. it's more fun.

TEN INCHES

2003-06-10T21:28:31Z

I got my haircut today. A whopping ten inches. I almost could have donated my hair to locks for love but it had to be twelve to do so. it feels so freaking weird but wonderfull, and my ponytail has been hacked off. it's nice for the heat of the summer and such so i approve of it. Today wraps up the end of my freedom. the family returns to the homeland tomorrow. It's been really nice having the place to myself, WHY MUST IT END? what really sucks is i have to clean to damn place before they get her. Not gonna worry about that though cuz tonight me, jennifer, and pam are suppose to have some girl's night thingy. it better work out. off to clean

Cooking and Conversation

2003-06-07T21:37:12Z

This week has been pretty cool. It's nice having your own place; i feel like an adult. Last night was awesome cuz i got to hang out with annabelle like the old days. We made a nice dinner and baked chocolate chip cookies, which turned out really good. After that i enjoyed a stimulating discussion about life, love, happiness, etc. for a couple hours. I haven't had that in a while so it was very worthwile. The only thing is it makes me think into issues too much. I like that and i don't. I wish i could open up to more people then the couple i rarely do. Thanks annabelle for making me review the many roles and lessons of the people who effect my life. I hate being so damn indecisive, i wonder if it affects important decisions i'm forced to make. argh, a bunch of different stuff has been bothering me lately and i need to tell someone about it but i just can't. i hate this.

iris0384 @ 2003-05-29T00:57:00

2003-05-29T06:05:40Z

It's been forever since i've done this. I say that each time i post now. We will see how often i keep up with the posting. Anyways summer is nice. I've been going to the beach and skimboarding alot. My very own board is in the construction process. How exciting! It's hard to believe i get two weeks of freedom come saturday morning. The mother and sister are flying to Milwaukee. I'm jealous though i wanted to go to Chicago. oh well. heh heh. I think i'll get back to pondering over what color to paint my room.

iris0384 @ 2003-04-01T21:43:00

2003-04-02T03:53:02Z

I'm being very productive. yay. I have so much crap to get done cuz i want to finish it all by thursday. if i do that then i can go home thursday after lab. woohoo! I'm so excited. I get to go to the beach with Hagen Friday. much fun. i just want to get all these papers all the way. i can't be a slacker any longer. i hope my plans work out. i gotta start studying for cultural geography.

iris0384 @ 2003-03-20T23:18:00

2003-03-21T05:27:18Z

Yay the weekend is almost here. I haven't updated in forever. Spring break was really cool. I was pretty busy. Every moment i seemed to be on the go. It was great skimboarding. I got much better at it. I slacked in the homework though, but hell it was my BREAK! School and work this week was quite stressful so i'm ready for my vacation this weekend. I head once again to the coast. It shall be quite fun, can't wait. I feel bad though cuz i've let down a good friend. I wish i could make things right, i have to figure this out.

he caught the gingerbread men!

2003-03-14T03:32:59Z

I got the best birthday gift ever today! Hagen caught the 19 gingerbread men like he promised. :). I have many little decorated gingerbread cookies now that depict odd deaths. They are great, they are complete with blood too. They were such an awesome suprise. hehe. My birthday was great, except for one major part. But that's another story. Everybody gave me such awesome gifts and i loved celebrating with all my friends.

iris0384 @ 2003-03-10T00:19:00

2003-03-10T06:26:52Z

Skim boarding is much fun. I tried it out today with annabelle, shane, and david. The beach was great since the weather was just perfect. I think i take the cake for the best wipe outs. Holy crap! i was so horrible the first time i tried. I wish i could have seen it on video. Shane wanted to send in to some show to win money. I'm guessing it was quite a sight to see. haha. I finally started getting the hang of it after a while. Tomorrow morning we are going out again. I'm excited. I can't believe my birthday is tomorrow. AHHH, i'll be 19. Freaky. Dinner tonight was awesome! i went to the preview of the port house in the beau rivage with hagen and his parents. It was a great time and quite yummy. I never want to eat again. i'm really tired i shall sleep now.

WHY?!

2003-03-06T17:32:03Z

This has been the week from hell. Seriously i don't think things can get any worse right now. If they did i think i would just kill myself. It's just the cumulation of all the shit that has happened for a while. I can't take it. i want to scream at the top of my longs. I always get screwed over. I guess i'm being punished for something. what, i don't know. Life isn't fair though, people have alot worse problems then me so i'll shut up. oh well.. fuck it!

iris0384 @ 2003-03-05T23:19:00

2003-03-06T05:23:15Z

I think this was one of the hardest days of my life. I can't describe how i feel at the moment. This song is depressing. Why do i torment myself? Anyway, i'm just ready to get home and relax and sleep. I wish i could go away to a place where nothing would bother or harm me right now. I want clarity and i'm so confused. Hope tomorrow is a better day.

being nice doesn't get you anywhere!

2003-03-04T17:56:24Z

AHHHHHHHHH! i'm not being nice anymore. I only get screwed over when i am. Lent some guy my psychology notebook for him to copy the test material and he was to give it back to me in class today. Well, you can guess that he didn't give back to me. Well it wasn't that he forgot it, HE FREAKING LOST MY NOTEBOOK! I'm furious. Our test is huge, and it is on thursday. I gotta get all the notes and all the old ones cuz there is a comprehensive semester final at the end of the semester. I want to break something and scream and beat the guy up. I had drawings and other personal stuff in there that can't be replaced. It was my nice notebook too with lots of paper and the perferated edges. :(
WHY?! grrrrrrrrr

iris0384 @ 2003-03-03T17:09:00

2003-03-03T23:10:28Z

This weekend was nice. I went to the biggest house ever! one of david's friends lives in this gorgeous, what i would call, estate. It has a freaking name even. Anyway one thing made me really happy this weekend. David absolutely loved his gift i think. Everybody said how pretty the painting was. It brought a smile to my face. He might be coming to visit me on my birthday too. I've been staying up way to late lately, last night i felt like an insomniac. I'm tired but can't sleep, it sucks. At least i don't have those creepy nightmares anymore. Today i got lucky on more than one account. By chance rainey came into my room at like 7:30 to borrow a hair dryer. In the process she woke me up, thus making me on time for my 8:00 class. yay! Then last night i thought i lost the new Ataris cd, but i found it in a weird place today by accident. It was awesome. Oh, there was one more awesome thing that happened this weekend. Last night i went out to the refuge and looked at an amazing skyfull of stars. I saw a shooting star, it was really cool. So i made a wish and hope it comes true. If it doesn't, i still have a birthday wish coming soon so maybe it will increase my odds.

there are many things i would
like to say to you
but i don't know how
Because maybe
you're gonna be the one to save me?

i always liked that Oasis song. haven't heard it in ages.